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    Rainy Days - What can I do with the kids?

    Rainy Days - What can I do with the kids?

    Eight of my last fourteen days have been spent at home, with the girls in quarantine. We were invaded by a nasty run of chest infections, followed by hand foot and mouth disease a week later. When the chest infections first hit, we embraced the sick day. We stayed in our pyjamas until lunchtime, dawdled over breakfast, made a nest of blankets, and cuddled up in front of the tv watching the classic Winnie the Pooh and Olympic gymnastics on YouTube (my daughter is obsessed with ‘the flips’).

    But by the end of the first morning, the novelty started to wear thin. And by the end of the second day, after I’d used every ‘rainy day’ trick in the book to keep my girls happily occupied indoors, we were officially stir crazy. It made me realise just how much I depend on being out of the house, letting the girls run free in a park. So with winter here, and weekends where the weather may not be best for venturing out, I’ve put together a bucket list of things we can do when we have to stay in.

    • Wardrobe Clear-out: Both girls love throwing all their clothes out of the drawers, and it tends to mean I can take a quick look at what fits, what has too many holes, and make a list of what we need. Plus, my toddler can practice getting dressed and put together funny outfits.
    • Egg Painting: A classic Easter activity that works year round, and brings a new dimension to the usual paint and paper activity. Boil some eggs and let them cool, then let your little ones loose decorating them. They make a good snack or backup meal afterwards.
    • Mopping: I’m not joking here – my eldest LOVES to help mop and hoover, and it will occupy her for a good thirty minutes. Just don’t expect the final result to be perfect.
    • Mask-making: Find a template online and copy it onto a blank piece of paper. Let them decorate and follow up with some imaginary play.
    • Yoga: My eldest saw me doing a quick twenty minute YouTube session, and asked to get involved. Since then, she’s actively asked to do yoga with me, which I love. There are loads of uploaded sessions on YouTube (just search for Toddler Yoga). It tends to work best late in the afternoon when we all need some calm time.
    • Photo sort: My parents recently brought over a massive box of childhood photos, which my daughters love to look at. My next task is to go through them with her and get them into a book. But just looking at the pictures can easily occupy an hour.
    • Races: As my youngest (she’s one) gets more mobile, I’m trying to find ways to encourage the girls to play together. One of the activities that I think will work is setting up an obstacle course, where my eldest can do a lot of the ‘thinking’ and my youngest can follow along. Simple things like ‘Push Margot in the trolley’ means both are involved.
    • Scavenger Hunt: Hide objects around the house and set the little ones on a hunt to find them. Once they’ve found everything, get them to do the hiding.
    • Rice Drawing: Put a layer of uncooked rice into a square baking pan (edges are important, or else you’ll end up with rice everywhere!) and let your little ones draw in the rice with their fingers. The noise seems to delight them, and it’s been a good way for my eldest to practice writing letters.
    • Dance Party: When all else fails we do tend to put some music on, turn the lights out, and have a little disco in our kitchen. It’s easy, low maintenance, and guaranteed to get everyone in a better mood.

    So there’s my bucket list – would love to hear how you’re making the most of the long winter days! Drop your suggestions in the comments below. 

    The nursery drop off blues - How do you feel when your baby starts nursery?

    The nursery drop off blues - How do you feel when your baby starts nursery?

    I have once again started preparing my two and a half year old son for time without Mummy, Daddy or Grandma and Grandpa. Recently he moved from a class of small, mostly mute, doe-eyed one to two year olds into the more mature and progressive in potty training three year old nursery class where words are spoken in broken sentences and teaching staff are less about cuddles and more about beginning the development of toddler maturity that will see a once crying infant leave the nursery doors as a young child ready to make its way through the education system. The move has not been a good one and in fact, I am again faced with the traumatising dramatics that is the nursery school 'drop off'. We battled this at the start of the nursery initiation for a prolonged period and here we are again. The look of utter distress when he realises that I am leaving him with these people, again! The sudden tightening of his small hand in mine and the scream that seems to come from the depths of his very being. Separation anxiety has once again reared its ugly head.

    As soon as I strap my two babes into their car seats and begin the journey to school, I deliver a commentary that mostly consists of primary and nursery school positives. Focusing on the latter, I talk of the scrumptious breakfast cereals (cornflakes and weetabix) the other two to three year olds who are desperately waiting to hold his hand and do painting, colouring and reading and the teachers who simply cannot wait to help him with a multitude of fun-filled activities. This carefully delivered verbal massage is my way of preparing the youngest for his new nursery class – same nursery, but new class.  The move up a year has revived his feelings of fear and abandonment, it is noticeable as soon we step up to the nursery front door.

    My first son seemed to ease into the these transitions with such carefree nonchalance, that I recall wondering at the time if he had any sort of feelings for me at all. Just my luck to have two children on the opposite ends of the attachment spectrum.

    My prep work fails miserably every time and nevertheless, I walk away from the nursery feeling a little put out, but to be honest, not greatly distressed. Do I shed a tear as I head off? I don't think so. My boy is in safe hands, he gets to interact with other children of his own age and more importantly, I get to be a person in my own right. I work three days a week and I am determined to take these recent episodes of obvious stress with a pinch of salt. The fact is and remains that even with the tears and sadness I must remain focused on the prize that is my own mental, spiritual and financial emotional stability and this comes with having the best of both - a career and two wonderful children to nurture and develop. Both of my roles are part-time, mother and employee, and at times child and career must pay the price for neither receive my full and undivided attention. There are challenges for parents and guardians across the spectrum of care arrangements. You can never really ‘win’ but I do know that my current set up is the healthiest option for me. My little one may scream at the drop off, but our time together is precious and purposeful, need I say more.

    Reflection on maternity leave

    Reflection on maternity leave

    So at the start it's all batch cooking, house cleaning and lunch with friends - then the baby arrives! 

    After the initial few weeks the visitors decline and you're left with a special few- your real support, your real friends and your valued family. 

    Some 'friends' won't even show an interest- will never send a card or see your baby; even friends that you really helped and supported through their maternity leave. 

    Then you'll find some friends are angels - texts just when you need it, offers of a meet up with cakes and cuddles. These friends are often not the ones you expect it from - but really appreciate. 

    And of course there's your new 'mummy friends' - the ones you can compare with; night wake ups, nappies, weaning, funny stories - people you didn't know before but now have the most wonderful thing in common with. These mummy friends are amazing - your lifeline in the middle of the night- the most amazing find. 

    You will think it's all naps, cake with friends and baby cuddles but it's really not the 'holiday' your other half teases about. Each day involves several loads of washing, lots of changes of clothing for you and baby ( a reflux baby doubles this), stinky nappies, episodes or crying for no apparent reason (both you and baby!) and desperately chasing your tail trying to keep the house clean! 

    You will do things you say you wouldn't - you'll co-sleep occasionally due to exhaustion, let your baby watch tv (just to grab a cup of tea), drop your regular workouts, stop eating salad and not respond to texts and calls for a week or so! 

    The leisurely coffee and cake with friends - it'll happen more at the start but then you'll realise (a) coffee and cake is expensive - especially as your maternity pay dwindles and dwindles; (b) making a catch up longer than an hour is impossible with an irritable baby or your friends active toddler; (c) finding a diary date is hard between yours and your friends baby groups, other appointments and returns to work. 

    Tiredness is extreme but it gets so mental that your 'normal' is just tired zombie! You will wash your hair once a week with the support of dry shampoo, you won't remember the last time you shaved your legs and will never paint your toenails! I thought I'd always paint my nails (something I can't do when at work as I'm a nurse) but nine months later and I have not done it once. 

    Your baby will have everything and you'll forget yourself (and others sometimes). You won't mind the self neglect but will often feel bad for the lack of attention your partner and the dog gets. 

    You will return to your pre-baby weight and size. I did after three months but the consistency will never be the same; a strange wrinkly belly, inside out belly button and wonky boobs (from breastfeeding). You both won't care and will care massively about this dependant on how you're feeling that day! This week, I've decided I need to make an effort with skincare and makeup but still don't even brush my hair much! 

    I'm sorry if I've made it all sound negative, it's not. I have the most wonderful little thing in my life! She's always happy to see me in the morning (and the middle of the night), always accepts a cuddle, is happy to tag along on a shopping trip, accepts any food I make with excitement, listens intently to everything I say or sing. We have the most wonderful days together (if somewhat monotonous), have taken in a full range of baby groups, spent days snuggling, sunny carrier walks, special family day trips and a number of family holidays. 

    To be honest I'm both dreading and looking forward to my return to work. Being a mummy is the most rewarding but tiring thing and a day at work means I can be me - feel like a have a brain and feel valued. However, I will never have this time again - never get so much time to see her change and grow hour to hour, day to day- I will miss new skills and milestones - and I hate that. 

    See you maternity leave- you've been amazing! 

    New baby, new job

    New baby, new job

    Starting off our series of interviews with people who are able to make our parenting journey a little bit easier is Isabelle, founder of Kinfo, an app for parents to find and share recommend anything from toys to days out to recipes, all of their favourite things.  Isabelle speaks to Onco about how she found being a new mum and why she founded Kinfo. 

    Onco: Hi Isabelle, please tell us a little about yourself.  

    Isabelle: My name is Isabelle Delmas, I have 3 children (Elie 7, Gabriel 9 and Sasha 13) and we live in West London.  I have a PhD in Pharmaceutical studies and started my career in the pharmaceutical industry. That brought me to live in different cities and countries before coming to London, 10 years ago. Before having kids, I wanted to travel as much as possible and I was completely workaholic. Then I got pregnant, had to slow down, came back from the US to Europe and changed jobs to “only” travel in Europe.

    Onco: How did you find being a new mum?

    Isabelle: Becoming a mum was a sort of a revelation as I did not expect myself to go through that intense emotional journey. I realised that my baby was more important than anything else in my life and that changed completely the way I was prioritising things. I soon knew that I wanted more children and we had Gabriel 4 years later, then Elie.

    Onco: How did you know what to buy for your babies and children?

    Isabelle: I did not know what to buy and where to buy things when I had my first baby. My mum was very helpful, although lot of things had changed since I was a baby. So I relied a lot on my friends who had a baby before or my paediatrician.

    Now that the kids are not babies anymore, I still rely on what my friends are recommending, whether it’s an online shop with amazing customer services, a place to go for a Sunday family lunch, a movie to watch or a children book.

    Onco: What is Kinfo about?

    Isabelle: Kinfo is a mobile app that helps all parents share recommendations about meaningful activities for their kids. We have already more than 800 recommended toys, games, books, indoor centres, party places, recipes, clubs, events etc that have been recommended by our amazing community of mums, dads and now carers. Any parents, nanny or friend interested in discovering great products and services that other families have experienced can join the app. It’s very easy to share a product or a place and anyone can do it. The majority of our recommendations are for parents of children at primary school age though.

    Onco: How did Kinfo get started?

    Isabelle: My previous job was very intense and frustrating from a parenting’s perspective: no time to see the kids, no time to organise anything during the weekends and I was – of course – completely behind on any information regarding local activities, fairs, events etc. I also started to worry that my kids would grow without much input from me and, together with a busy husband, we did not want to outsource their childhood. So I decided to stop my demanding and inflexible job at that time and started to design one that would fit better my purpose and my lifestyle. I had the idea of Kinfo with my husband when we realised that it was actually natural to connect with other parents, from school for example, and that they were happy to share their recommendations about what to do with their kids. The main obstacle was time as explained before but also a modern digital way to collect and share those recommendations. Kinfo was born.

    Onco: How can we tell the recommendations are genuine?

    Isabelle: It is very important for Kinfo that all recommendations are coming from parents like us and not from sponsors. We do not accept any form of sponsorship nor promotion to guarantee our integrity. 

    Onco: What’s your favourite recommendation?

    Isabelle: I have discovered a lot of great things parents have recommended on Kinfo, and one of the recent one is FeedMe2: a ready to eat healthy food prepared on the day to feed the family on days you don’t feel like cooking.

    Mums are absolutely incredible to spot on great ideas such as this one!

    Onco: What’s your best parenting tip?

    Isabelle: I think that we, parents, need to be careful not to underestimate the impact of too much time our children spend on digital games and internet. I work a lot on my computer and on my phone so the kids see me a lot in front of a screen but I am telling them that these are tools for my job and that I need them to work. I think a child does not necessary need an iPad or an iPhone to play and we should try harder to let them run outside, use pencils to draw or bricks to build castle or clothes to role play. Toys can be connected and use technology as long as they are meant to develop their creativity, social dimension and physical development.

    Find Kinfo in the app store or Google Play store

    Good Mornings - How will I get the kids and myself ready for work on time?

    Good Mornings - How will I get the kids and myself ready for work on time?

    Fresh back into the working routine after a year of maternity leave, and I’m suddenly remembering just how difficult mornings are when you have little ones to wake, dress, feed and deliver to their childcare before heading into the office.Nights are another story all together (and probably another blog post, to be honest!) but there’s something about the start of the day that is especially tricky in our house. With our eldest daughter, it took about six months before we finally found a routine that worked for us. Hustling one little girl with a mind of her own out the door was hard; hustling two is already a lot harder. So here are some things we’re doing to try and make life a little easier.

    Set a wake-up time, and stick to it

    That extra twenty minutes in bed may feel good at the time, but every time we try to snag a bit of extra sleep, we pay for it dearly. A teeny, tiny lie-in almost guarantees that EVERYTHING will go wrong. Trust me; I’ve been a hot and sweaty mess running down the road with two babies and bags, attempting to catch a bus before it pulls away. It’s not worth hitting the snooze button.

    Plan breakfast ahead of time

    I’m still in the process of perfecting this, but I am trying out some new things over the next few weeks. If you’ve read my earlier post on parenting, you’ll know that I’m a feeder. Nothing makes me feel more guilty than sending my girls out of the house thinking they are hungry. They could be wearing totally mismatched outfits with ratty hair and runny noses, and it wouldn’t phase me (much). But empty tummies, and I will feel guilty for the rest of the day. Currently our go-to includes a selection of the following – fresh fruit, a handful of dried Cheerios, porridge, bagels, toast, Naked bars, yoghurt or fruit compote. I’m looking forward to trying these homemade blueberry and banana oat bars, porridge in the slow cooker, and overnight oats with coconut yoghurt (my youngest has a dairy allergy). The key is finding options that take two minutes or less to get on the table. If breakfast is easy to take along when you leave the house, even better. Especially if your kids are slow eaters, like mine.

    Pack the night before

    I used to laugh at my parents for doing this, but it honestly does make the mornings less stressful. We’ve even gone as far as putting bags, buggies and coats in the car before we go to bed. It’s the last thing I want to do after dinner, but I am shocked at how much it’s helped. I used to always feel I’d left something behind, but now am able to focus on just getting out the door.

    Agree a morning chore list

    The first time I went back to work after maternity leave, part of our stress came from not agreeing who was responsible for what before leaving the house. My husband and I were tripping over each other, replicating jobs, and leaving important stuff to last minute, assuming that the other person was about to do it. We now have a chore list for the house, and a morning routine list. Knowing exactly who is doing what has made things run a lot smoother. Of course, there’s flex. But we communicate every time we deviate from what we’ve agreed, and we both know that everything is covered, which helps loads.

    Keep a change of clothes downstairs

    I can’t count how many times I’ve had to take one of my girls back upstairs for a last minute change before leaving the house. Potty training accidents, breakfast,a short swim in the cat’s water bowl – they’ve all happened, and usually one minute before we need to leave the house. So now I’ve got an emergency kit for both girls stashed in one of our kitchen drawers, and another in the boot of the car.

    Set a ‘leave’ time that leaves you room for error

    During my maternity leave, we left the house every day by 830 to get my eldest daughter to nursery by 9. I knew that I could leave at 840 or even 845, but that extra ten minutes took away so much stress, and meant I could have a five minute conversation with my daughter on the way, instead of hurrying her along. I was happier. The girls were happier. It was a nicer start to the day for everyone.So now, instead of leaving everything to the wire, we are doing our best to get everyone out a bit before we actually need to be on our way.

    Slow down to speed up

    This is probably the hardest and most counter-intuitive, but is actually the one thing that has made the biggest difference. I find that when I’m barking orders or rushing, my little ones find it hard to keep up and are more likely to throw a tantrum. One morning, we were running late and I was trying to dress my eldest at record speed. She was resisting, and I was getting more and more short with her. A tantrum was brewing, which would have eaten up even more time, so I stopped, hugged her, apologised, changed my tone, took her clothes downstairs and let her get herself dressed while I pulled breakfast together. I often forget that things I take for granted - like buttoning a shirt or tying a shoe – those things are actually big challenges and accomplishments for the little ones. And taking those things away will only upset them. So if you really want to get out of the house quickly, sometimes slowing down is actually the best strategy.

    What are your morning routines like? Any time-saving tricks you’d like to share? Anything that you know absolutely does not work? Drop your thoughts in the comments below!